Boost your people skills

Did you know that whatever neurochemicals are activated just before you engage in an activity or serious conversation, can have a dramatic impact on the outcome?  For instance if you just experienced a stressful situation, it is likely cortisol was released, your blood pressure is elevated. It takes from twenty minutes to two hours (every person is different) for your cortisol level to return to its normal state. This can affect your disposition and how you would respond to other situations. Imagine what it's like when your brain releases, each of the different neurochemicals and how it affects your mood.

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How do neurochemicals impact our mood?

I find the brain fascinating, and the health of our brains deserves so much more attention than it gets, but that's another story. I've been reading the book Habits of a Happy Brain by Loretta Graziano Breuning, PHD. In it she describes how the chemicals of our brain work together to promote our survival. She states, "our brain doesn't release a happy chemical until it sees a way to meet a survival need, like food, safety, and social support.

We need a healthy balance of these neurochemicals for our survival. When we understand and recognize how and when each chemical is released it enables us to better manage our own emotions, even help others.

• Dopamine- Your brain releases dopamine when you accomplish something, exercise, positive feedback experiences. Known as the motivation molecule, as Judith Willis puts it in her work called, What You Should Know About Your Brain.

• Serotonin- serotonin could be thought of, simply, as bringing about feelings of confidence and self-esteem. Serotonin has been shown to be at higher levels when you feel significant and you are part of a group.  Feeling of being important "valued".
• Oxytocin - it facilitates social interaction and is (mostly) associated with positive social behavior. Create an environment where people feel protected, "you've got their back", a place where people feel they can lean on each other.
• Endorphins- This neurotransmitter is present in large quantities during high-intensity cardio, strength training, sexual intercourse, orgasm, and most strenuous physical exertion. Laughter can also stimulate small drips of the neurotransmitter. (even the anticipation of laughter can raise your endorphin levels).
• Cortisol- Cortisol is connected to our circadian rhythms. It helps us deal with stress, it is your body's emergency broadcast system, says Breuning. It creates the feeling of pain, pain gets your attention and you do whatever you need to do to make it stop. The brain strives to avoid pain by storing details of the experience so that it knows what to look out for in the future.  "When cortisol surges we call that fear, when it dribbles we call that anxiety." Your brain sees every disappointment as a threat, which triggers your fight or flight response. In his article 5 simple ways to lower cortisol without drugs, Christopher Bergland, states that elevated cortisol interferes with learning, lowers immune function, increased weight gain, high blood pressure. You tend to be "reactive" when your cortisol is elevated. Interesting tidbit from Dartmouth Journal of Science, repeated doses of caffeine over a single day resulted in markedly increased cortisol levels, regardless of the stressor involved or the sex of the individual.

Have you ever had a conversation that went south really quickly and it caught you by surprise?

It is likely they had something happen to upset or frustrate them just before you approached them. The experience elevates their cortisol level, triggering the brain to kick into survival mode, closing off the pathways to higher level thinking (cortex). You are then responding from the limbic system which is your emotional core, so the reaction will likely be emotional, it is when people snap, lose their cool, say things they don't mean.

So what can you do with all this information?

Knowing that the release of certain neurochemicals brings about different moods and energy it can guide our decision making.  It's a game changer to be able to recognize our state of mind and that of others.  We can use this information to determine when to have important discussions.  We can pause and choose the best time and way to communicate.  Our capacity to be aware of and control our emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically, is when we know our emotional intelligence is emerging.